World Tour Redux
by HarukaChan143
Summary: Noah didn't participate in TDI. Instead, he was introduced as one of the new guys in world tour! What difference would that make, you ask? well, why don't you read and find out? rated for some language and cartoon violence. WARNING: Eventual slash.


Things were _not_ going well for Sierra. Courtney and Duncan weren't fighting, Lindsay came to the red carpet without even dressing up for the occassion, Katie and Sadie couldn't utter a single word about their new clothes ( it was a _simple question_!) and DJ doesn't hate anyone from the cast! like, who _does _that? Who walks around not hating anyone? Couldn't he be a _little _considerate and pretend to dislike someone for her- the_ fans! _- sake ? talk about selfish.

She'd thought that interviewing her totally favourite teens on the red carpet would be an _epic_ experience. Like a _dream_ come true! So far though, it's been quite disapointing.

So by the time another limo pulled up, and out stepped a short, dark-skinned boy wearing a jet black tux and shades, talking into an earpiece, Sierra was quite desperate.

It took her a moment to recognize him. He wasn't famous or particularly handsom, ( not nearly as hot as her codykins, of course) but he was Chris' assistant for five months, three days and six hours, which is longer than anyone else has worked under the handsome host ( uh, excuse you! not everyone can handle all that awesome sauce! ), so he might know _something _juicy about Chris that will help her redeem herself infront of the camera. It was a long shot, but again, she was desperate.

"It's Chris Mclean's personal assistant himself, Noah! Hi! This is Celeberity Manhunt, can you tell us-" But he cut her off, holding up his hand and walking past her, while still talking through his ear-piece. "But-" Sierra began, then sighed and turned to the camera. "Well, looks like we're getting nothing out of him."

"You know what would be better than _nothing_, Sierra? Something!" Blainly exclaimed from the CM studio, and Sierra rushed to interview The Drama Brothers, who had just arrived.

"How are _they_ famous?" Noah heard the goth girl protest, pointing accusingly at the horde of freaks entering the Gemmy awards ceremony.

"They're the stars of my new reality show : Total. Drama. Dirtbags!" answered Chris, with a bit too much enthusiasm. Noah rolled his eyes. He thanked all the gods up there that his audition tape wasn't accepted into the show. He could barely handle the whiny, self-obssesed, sadistic host and his constant demands as it is. Have him legally allowed to thrust him into death defying challenges and humiliate him on T.V.? Not the most ideal situation.

"A bunch of nasty jerks live in a huge mansion and get all bored and back-stabby." Noah clarified dryly , looking at the faces of the bewildered teens.

"_I'm_ nasty! that should be _me_!" Heather protested. No one argued.

"These guys are up and coming, not down and going, I.E. _you_ losers." Chris replied. He then took a sip of his latte and spat it out, all over Noah's face, and yelled " Urggghh! This latte is cold! YOU'RE FIRED!" And before Noah could react, he shoved it onto his chest and turned towards the ex-contestants one last time. "Well guys, I'd say later, but there isn't gonna be a later, so..." He slammed the door behind him without even bothering to finish the sentence.

And as if on a ripple effect, all lights outside snapped shut, a cloud of dust rolled off the floor, and because why the hell not, a chipper started chippering.

Silence.

"Well, sucks to be you guys," It was Noah who recovered first and broke the silence, wiping the coffee stains from his face."I'm calling my mom to pick me up." He walked a bit away from the shell-shocked teens to get a little privacy, and dialed his mother's number while the CM interviewer insisted they find a way inside. After a little yelling from his end of the line and more from the other end, a snarky remark his way and another one right back, Noah walked back to the group with an aggravated look on his face.

He was surprised to see them still sitting there, huddled together while watching the Gemmy awards ceremony playout on the T.V. screen atop the entrance gates. some were dozing off, while others were staring at the screen intently, like it was their worst enemy, or their last hope.

"So how did it go?"

"Huh?" Noah turned to the source of the voice, startled to realize the question was directed towards him.

"With your mom, I mean." Cody added. Noah stared at the tech-geek with a perfectly arched brow, contemplating for a second wether to ignore him and walk away or be nice and answer the question. But he kept looking at him expectantly until he sighed, "Not too well. She's busy helping my sister out with something. She'll be late." The geek nodded. Noah chose not to mention that his sister gave birth to her first child about a month ago, and still needs their mothers help with almost everything related to the baby.

"What are you guys still doing here?" He asked, waving in their general direction.

"We're, like, waiting for the 'Best reality ensemble' award!" Katie answered. "Yeah!" Sadie added "If we win, we're totally gonna be famous again, and Chris will have to let us in!"

Noah quirked an eyebrow at them, and snorted. "for real? that's what you're hanging onto?"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah!"

Noah rolled his eyes.

"Hey, you wanna sit here and wait with us ?" Cody said, patting the spot next to him. "Your ride is gonna be late anyway, right ?" He eyed the geek skeptically for a second, before shrugging. "eh, what the heck." And plopping down next to him.

"Hey, I didn't catch your name, did I?" He held out his hand, "My name is Cody."

"Noah." He replied, and shook his hand.

"And we're Katie and Sadie!" The girls added excitedly, and he nodded towards them in acknowledgment.

Noah spent the next fifty minutes altering between making sarcastic jabs at anyone that showed up on the screen, engaging in geek-talk with Cody, and covering his ears whenever the girls thought it fitting to squeel, which was often.

In the end though, it was 'Golden Oldies In Their Undies' that won the award, and the cast of total drama expressed their disapointment in various forms. Courtney, for example, ripped the T.V. screen off the wall and flung it across the street, screeching bloody murder about how much this award 'didn't matter anyway', and that she 'already has a future in law school'. Noah was indifferent, maybe a little amused at their disstress. But when Chris walked up the platform to recieve the 'Best Reality Show Host' award and thanked the caterers, the camera crew, his stylists and even _the interns_, without saying zip about his long suffering assistant, Noah was positively pissed. He kicked the already beat up T.V. hard, cursed Chris aloud, and fumed.

The teens seemed to be giving up as they disspersed, each about to go home. Noah turned to try and call his mother again, while the CM interviewer gave what she hoped was an inspiring speech about hope and fans and dental records, ( Stalker. ) but sounding more creepy than motivating. By the end of her speech, nonetheless, everyone was riding DJ's moms bus to head to New york.

"Hey, Noah! Are you coming or what!" Noah turned to find Cody standing at the bus entrance, waving him over.

"What?"

"Come on! it'll be totally fun!" Sadie added, peaking over one of Cody's shoulders, Katie looking over the other. "besides," an impish grin crossed both the girls faces as they said this, "Don't you wanna shove your foot up that egomaniac's tan ass?"

Noah shuddered. He glanced at his phone. His mother wasn't picking up anytime soon. A smirk crossed his lips as he looked up at the trio again. "Sure, let's go hijack an interview in the Orpah studio in New York. Why not."

And so, Noah hopped onto a bus full of crazies in a desperate chase after fame. Yipee.

The ride on the Nutty Bus was a blur of Caramel flavored canoon balls, pink bras, and the word 'FIRE!' yelled more often than Noah would appreciate. And just because that wasn't enough chaos for one ride, Courtney and Duncan decided to make out. On the drivers seat. while the bus veered off course and down the cliff side. Oh, oh, so _now _is the best time to realize you still wanna make out with eachother? Perfect. If it wasn't for Leshawna's highly resilient bra, the teens would have faced a sudden and gruesom demise.

Noah stepped out of the deadly vehicle and stretched, "That? was a ride from hell." He said, as his back popped several times.

"I came here ta party!" Geoff exclaimed. "But this? Seriously lacks partatiosness!" He continued, casually assasinating the English language. He threw his hands up. "So I'm going to get help. And then, we're going to party! Woo-hoo!"

Justin and Trent decided to tag along, and Katie and Sadie and Beth soon followed. Eva looked like she was contemplating whether or not to go.

"Hang on a second. Where are you all going?" Noah asked the party animal.

"Dude, I told you, we're going to find help."

"No, I meant _where _are you going? We're in the middle of nowheresville for crying out loud!" He flung his arms and gestured to their surroundings for emphasis. "If you leave, you'll only get yourself lost." Katie and Sadie exchanged nervous looks. The last time they got lost wasn't pleasant.

"He's got a point, you know." Harold added, just stepping out of the bus. "The temperature is pretty up in here, too. Chances of getting a heat-stroke are high."

Eva plopped down and leaned against the bus, no longer interested in leaving. Katie and Sadie started whispering amongst themselves, rethinking their decision to go.

"Well what do you want us to do, man? We can't just sit around here and wait." Geoff said.

"Geoff is right." Trent said, and Geoff beamed at his friend supporting him. "We wont get anywhere just waiting here. We'll go scout the perimeter with whoever wants to tag along. Don't worry, we'll be back as soon as we're done. Even if we don't find help." Trent finished, and Geoff turned towards the others. "Alright guys, who wants to come ?" Justin, Beth and DJ's mom decided to go. Katie and Sadie looked between Noah and justin reluctantly for a couple of minutes before finaly deciding to stay.

"Great!" Geoff grinned. "Anybody else? Bridgette? Babe?"

"Ah, I'm gonna catch some rays, 'kay sweety?" Bridgette replied. Geoff looked a little disapointed before perking up again, "Alright, who am I to come between a hotty and her rays. Come on guys, let's go."

It was a few hours after they left when Chris arrived on his copter, picked up everyone present, and took them to the old TDA set. In the mess hall, he announced that there is no Total Drama Dirtbags, and that everyone here was qualified to participate in the real next season : Total. Drama. World tour! everyone was cheering. Another chance at the money. Another chance at fame. Except Noah, who had other interests in mind. He took the opportunity to sneak behind Chris and kick the unsuspecting host's ass so hard he fell face-first. The cheering ceased for a moment, until the contestants realized what happened and burst into laughter.

"Chris got owned!" Said Cody, laughing.

"Nice going there, shorty!" Duncan called.

"Hey!" Chris yelled indignantly, "What do you think you're doing?!"

"Shoving my foot up your tan ass, you egomaniac." Noah answered. "And can I just say, it feels so good to finally do it." He sighed. "Well. Did what I came here for. See ya later folks." He turned to leave, already wondering whether calling his mom to pick him up from the abandoned film lot would be safe, or if he would be sentenced to washing the dishes for the rest of his unmarried life.

"Hey, hey, hey, easy there fella! whats the rush?" Chris scrambled up and over to Noah, resting his hand on his shoulder casually. "You're not going anywhere. You're a participant in this season!" Chris said, with a bit too much enthusiasm.

Noah's eyes went wide. "What?! There's no way am I participating in that freak show!" He paused for a moment, before remembering something. "I didn't even sign up!"

"Are you suuure?" Chris drawled, a sadistic grin growing on his face. "You did audition though."

"B-but that was way back in season one! Before I knew you're a sadistic bastard and this show is a nut house!" Noah exclaimed.

Chris chuckled slowly. "I'll take your compliments as a sign of my brilliant success."

And just like that, the sadistic host strutted out of the mess hall, grin in place.

"Hey, don't look so down, man!" Cody clapped his back reassuringly, "This could be an awesome experience! You could win some big cash!"

Noah groaned. He was about to make a sarcastic remark when the sounds of yelling attracted his attention. Courtney and Duncan were at eachothers throats again. Looks like a hot make out session in the drivers seat wasn't enough to get them back together. Or was that just their unique brand of flirting? Noah didn't know, but he knew he had enough headaches for one day. No sense adding up to it.

**Confessionals:**

**(Harold and LeShawna.)**

**Harold:** /puts his hand around her and grins slyly/.

**LeShawna:** /Scowls and shoves him off/. Get your hands off of me!

**Harold: **I thought we could form an alliance. Check it. /he starts beat boxing until she slaps her hand on his mouth to shut him up./

**Sierra:** Oh-Em-Gee. /giggles/ This is my first confessional ever! / more giggles/ I am so excited! I never thought I could be on total drama! my favourite show in the world! talking to all my favourute TV stars is _so _fab! Now I'll finally put to rest all those Cody blog questions like: How many freckles does he have on his back? How many times does he sleep facing west? And what song does he sing in the shower? Ooh./she goes into a fit of giggles/. That last one will _definitely _be a six month analysis! Oh yeah!

**Gwen: **You know what they say, third time lucky. This could be _my _season!

**Duncan: **Hey, I'm game. Bring it Chris. /he twirls his knife in his hand and stabs it on the table top/.

**Alejandro:** /he is pointing at the screen with a determined scowl/. Watch out, total drama nerds. The new guy is going all the way to the top.

**DJ: **Don't you worry, momma. I'm gonna win this one, and I'm gonna buy you a big house. /He smiles sheepishly/. And maybe a new bus.

**Noah: **Sorry, mom. Should have picked me up sooner though, right?

**( Katie and Sadie )**

**Katie: **Omigosh, Sadie we're going to be on a new season!

**Sadie:** Omigosh yes! Katie I'm so excited!

**Katie: **Me too! EEEEEEEEE!

**Sadie: **EEEEEEEE!

**Eva: **I'm in it to win it this time, and nothing is gonna stop me! No pretty boy, no anger managment issues, and no queen bee! / she leans closer to the screen/. YOU HEAR ME, HEATHER? The million is mine!

**End of confessionals**


End file.
